Becoming The “Holy Sh*t” Version of Yourself



I took a short hiatus from writing blog posts, as I was having to empty my storage unit (fun!) and organize, sort, remove, purge…all the exciting things that go along with decluttering and re-energizing.

Additionally, I attended a second virtual meditation retreat that took me much more deeper into myself than the first one I did in May. (More on that later.)

What I’ve found is that even though I thought I stopped a particular behavior, I truly didn’t. And what might that be?

Perfection Paralysis. If I can’t do something perfect, I won’t do it.

Full stop.

Oh, there are times when I embrace vulnerability, but in some instances I do not. You know, fear of being seen, of NOT being seen, of being ridiculed, of being ostracized, of people thinking I don’t know what I’m doing, the possibility of LOSING followers, friends, acquaintances, possible clients (and the list goes on…).

But, NOT being wholly vulnerable and trusting in myself kept me from being my “Holy Sh*t Self!”

So, in the interest of being fully vulnerable and transparent, here is a video of this exact topic.

*Side note: I always said, for decades, I’d rather eat ground up glass than speak publicly. It was beyond fear, it was terror. Here I am being fully vulnerable!

I’ve been doing videos with card readings and general topics; each one gets better. The first ones suck! LOL! However, instead of judging myself, I just keep doing them, keep practicing, and keep getting better. Now, I enjoy doing them! I do know I need practice speaking, to slow down my speech sometimes, and remove those “um’s”!

Sometimes I stutter, or seem to stumble. It’s because: 1. I read faster than I speak, and 2. my mind is much faster than my mouth! And, sometimes so much information wants to come through me that it’s hard to keep up with this wisdom! 🙂

Having said all that, enjoy my vulnerability. I sure do!

Don’t forget, the world needs YOU to be your “Holy Sh*t Self!”


Your “Holy Sh*t Self”


There’s No Need to Look for Love, We ARE Love

love recoloredI begin each day with some reading, meditation, and a thought for the day. Usually it’s something that I may need to remember about myself, heal, or learn more about.

One topic that has been popping up almost daily for the past year is that we ARE all Love.

The Hunt

Most of my life consisted of constant searching for someone to love me. I longed for another person to shower me with affection and give me their heart, their adoration, their love. I wanted them to give me what I couldn’t (and didn’t know how to) give myself.

And so, desperately searching for love and acceptance. I entered relationships and friendships with that sole underlying purpose.

However, as you can probably guess, they were co-dependent, toxic and unhealthy situations that further fueled my need and hunger for some sense of love. Because, obviously, they were entered from a place of lack and need, not a mutual understanding of our true selves and ultimate truth.

And therein lay the problem. No person could give me what I already am.

I AM. Two tiny words, yet I had no idea the tremendous power they hold. Nor did I realize at the time (or remember) my true nature.

The Healing

Numerous broken hearts later, I found myself caught up in a down-spiral of despair, loss of self, grief and declining health. I experienced several “dark nights of the soul.” However, years into this darkness, I started seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.

People showed up who walked with me for a short time on my healing journey.  Books would appear that led me onto an inner exploration far beyond where any novel could take me.

Healers appeared, and they were instrumental in assisting me on my path to emotional and physical healing. (This is why I am now a reiki practitioner.)

Some souls that emerged were also on their own journey of re-discovery of self and shared their insights of self awareness and hope for brighter days.

Spiritual leaders began to emerge, and I gradually embraced my hunger to evolve and embrace new truths, especially those about spirituality and love.

The Treasure

I discovered a treasure that was more valuable than gold.

That treasure was my truth. It was the discovery that I AM love. I AM life essence. I AM life source living through and as me.

I learned to surrender. I relaxed into the flow with the knowledge that I don’t need to search for love. I AM Love. I am that being that pulses with a healing light that can never be dimmed.

I no longer seek out an emotion called Love; I understand that it is me. I get to embody Love itself, and in doing so, I give myself what others cannot.

The best way we can love ourselves and others is to BE. To embrace our truths. And when it comes to relationships, the best gift we can give our partners is our whole, self, vulnerability and all. Yes, we can participate in actions that express our affection, but ultimately, we don’t GIVE love. We give ourselves AS love.

Love is our essence, our lifeblood. We don’t need to set out on a quest to search out and grasp that seemingly hard-to-reach emotion.

It’s all right here. Now. As you. As me.